SEQUIM — The story of the Monday Knights came to light one day last month.
A group of “old guys” — that’s their term — got together to fondly remember one of their own: Stuart MacRobbie, a retired psychiatrist and lover of the North Olympic Peninsula’s wild places and creatures.
He was a noble Monday Knight, a man who knew how to gallop with gusto into a discussion of liberty, the pursuit of happiness — and what his friends realized was the final stage of life.
Roger Pike, another Knight, addressed the people at MacRobbie’s memorial gathering at the Dungeness River Audubon Center on Feb. 14, explaining how this is a men’s group that can talk about anything with one another.
Almost everyone in the bunch is retired; among them they have well over 200 years of marriage, to “wonderful and patient” wives, in the words of Knight Nelson Cone.
The Monday Knights are an unusual kind of fraternity, in that neither religion, work, poker nor televised football games brought them together.
Instead, 11 years ago, a couple of friends got together for beverages, and then one guy told another guy, and then he told somebody else he thought would be into it.
Weekly meetings
These days, seven or eight Monday Knights meet weekly at one of the Knights’ homes to eat, drink, question the status quo in the nation and world, and cement their friendships.
“The host puts out whatever suits him for the guys to nosh on,” said Knight Don Wilkin, 73.
“Each of us takes about three to five minutes and tells the group what we did with ourselves since last we met: usually pretty mundane stuff like fixing a leak under the sink, or having to take the dog in for an operation.
“The host then introduces a topic and we start kicking it around.
“At nine o’clock, we go home.”
These discussions, which range all over the spectrum, are a particular kind of food — a feast, really, for the men’s hearts and minds, and they explode the stereotype about men of a certain age not being as, well, interested in sharing to the same degree that women do.
“We tell what’s going on in our lives — the good, the bad, and the ugly,” said Pike, 67 and a retired Coast Guard captain.
And after check-in, the discussions — not debates — dive into politics, philosophy and other social issues, alongside the men’s reflections on their lives.
Reflecting on colleague
After MacRobbie, who was 85, died Jan. 29 from complications of a stroke, the Knights’ meeting was “an opportunity to ‘process’ openly how we felt about him and his passing,” Pike said.
“This is a group that readily discusses feelings, particularly those surrounding growing older and the inevitability of death,” added Wilkin.
Something else he listed as a top Knights topic: “the reverence and respect with which we all hold our wives — though we’re not above a laugh or two in that regard.”
Cone, 82 and known in Sequim and Port Angeles as a peace activist and Green Party member, was invited into Knighthood two years ago.
“I keep coming back because this is a group of men I consider my peers, in whose presence I can openly and honestly speak my piece and get constructive feedback,” he said.
“True, we do chide each other on occasion but it is all in good humor. . . . We are all at a point in our lives where we feel secure in ourselves. We understand what is important and what is trivial.
“My attitude is if you find something wrong, do something about it; if you can’t do anything about it or don’t want to bother, forget it. Don’t worry or gripe about it and don’t complain.
“I think many of this group share that attitude more or less.”
The conversations aren’t always harmonious, added Knight Don Wester, 65.
And the talk is always stimulating, he said, thanks to the mix of interests and backgrounds.
“The only constant is that we’re all mostly old, white guys,” Wester said.
“We’re not always like-minded on every subject which leads to interesting discussions.
“One big thing: lots of humor.”
World issues
Pike likes to joke that the Monday Knights are fully prepared to advise world leaders on issues of health care, national and global economies and the environment.
But even if statesmen and -women don’t phone Sequim to ask for guidance, the Knights will continue to be invigorated by their discussions.
“An interesting thing to me is the bonding and sharing that develops over the years,” said Don Hatler, 73.
“In some cases we have to agree to disagree, but always with respect and the knowledge that next week we have new ground to cover.”
Hatler, the longest-running Knight in the current group, added that four have died since the group formed in 1999.
“When we lose a member, we feel the loss deeply,” he said.
After MacRobbie suffered his stroke, the Knights took turns sitting with him while his wife, Pat, ran errands.
Sid Maroney, at 58 the youngest Knight, remembers MacRobbie as “one of the most knowledgeable on almost all subjects,” and “a joy to be around.”
What makes this group work, Maroney added, is that it’s a meeting of open minds.
“No one has a particular agenda to push. . . . We don’t expect to solve anything here, we just observe and comment.
“It is good therapy, I think. I enjoy hearing their thoughts on different matters and from their varied backgrounds and longer lives.”
Discussion tips
When asked what advice he might offer those interested in starting a discussion group, Hatler emphasized the good-humor and fellowship part:
“Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Try not to let discussions become too dark.
“A healthy dose of skepticism, even cynicism, is healthy, but don’t dwell on it,” he said.
“Don’t always focus on a single subject. Occasionally talk about what’s going on in your personal lives. It often leads to interesting discussions.”
“Be willing to be open and willing to listen to others’ perspectives,” added Maroney.
“Don’t come to the group an ax to grind.”
They’re a free-thinking, freewheeling crew, savoring the simple pleasures of candid conversation and friendship.
“Actually,” said Wester, “most of my friends — old guys — do talk about their feelings and have since we were young guys.
Maybe I’ve been lucky to have exceptional friends. I think I have.”
________
Sequim-Dungeness Valley Reporter Diane Urbani de la Paz can be reached at 360-681-2391 or at diane.urbani@peninsuladailynews.com.