A selection of Phyllis Diller’s comic quotes

Published 3:12 pm Tuesday, August 21, 2012

By The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES — A selection of comic lines from Phyllis Diller, who died Monday at age 95:

– “I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.”

– “I never made ‘Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in ‘What’s That?’ “

– “When I told Fang I was going to have my face lifted, he said, ‘Who’d steal it?'”

– “You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.”

– “I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.”

– “I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.”

– “My vanity table is a Black & Decker workbench.”

– “The only thing domestic about me is I was born in this country.”

– “They say housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?”

– “I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.”

– “Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don’t give a damn.”

– “The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.”

– And actor Dylan McDermott shares this line via Twitter: “One time (Diller) came over with a 70-year-old guy. Told me she was ‘robbing the cradle.'”